7 Signs of a Needy Boyfriend

Friends, you can learn from my recent break-up. The signs of a needy, clingy, annoying boyfriend were there. Save yourself from future heartbreak by learning from my mistakes. Here are the red flags I ignored:

 

#1 He asks to sleep over… On the third date. He doesn’t need to have sex, he just wants to be close to you. Well, take it from me, he will want to be too close. Too much. Even when you have a fever and are delirious. He needs to not be alone and he needs to be with you all the time. Run away while you still can!

#2 Overtexting: He texts you five times within five minutes after your first date. I have to admit, I was flattered that he followed up so quickly, especially when Mr. Geeky, the guy before him, barely texted me between dates at all. But that was a little much a little too soon. I should’ve seen it for what it was: neediness.

#3 He asks you to go away with him for your seventh date. Mr. Outdoorsy Tech is adventurous and fun. He asked me to go away with him, out of state, for an outdoorsy weekend mere weeks after we started dating. I said no, it’s too soon! But he asked again and I wanted to seem cool so I went. And we did have fun. A guy who doesn’t take it slow at the beginning won’t take it slow at the end, either. He needs companionship and a full girlfriend schedule right now, right away. We broke up yesterday morning. His online dating profile was back up last night. (Yes, I checked. If you know me you know I’m kind of a stalker like that.)

#4 He ignores the Six Month Rule. I have children. Mr. Outdoorsy Tech has a kid. I think dating and kids should be separate, until things are serious. Everybody on the internet agrees with me. Yet he suggested a playdate for our first date. I declined. He introduced me to his daughter after we’d been seeing each other only a month or so; I did not do the same. After three months, he was anxious to do things all together. I was not. I wanted to go slower. He didn’t like that. If a dude suggests a playdate for your first get together, please say no and move on. I wish I had.

#5 He tells you his sexual secrets on the fourth date. On our fourth date, Mr. Outdoorsy Tech revealed his kinks. I was shocked. I wished I’d dumped him then, actually, but I thought I could work with it. Turns out: I can’t. He can’t. See #6. Hey, I’m fun, I’m open, I read Dan Savage, but really? Wait a few months to share everything, ok? Or better yet, a few years.

#6 He violates your boundaries. Pretty early in our relationship Mr. Outdoorsy Tech went to a place, in the bedroom, that I’d said I wouldn’t go. I was uncomfortable. I told him so. He didn’t realize he’d crossed a line. I was hurt and confused. If a man can’t keep it clean and respect a very easy to remember boundary, he will trample over other boundaries in his scramble to fill the empty, needy hole inside him.

#7 He has no friends. I asked on our third date, “Who is your best friend?” He paused. His ex-wife would’ve been, he said, but that was over. Was he in touch with childhood friends? No. College friends? Nope. Roommates from pre-marital days? Negative. In our time together, he did not once go out with friends. Sure, he had hobbies and clubs and things he attended, but as far as I could tell, he was looking for a lover, best friend, mother to his child, and future wife, all in me. That’s a lot to ask! I have friendships dating back to elementary school. I value loyalty, commitment, and lifelong friendship. If a dude has no friends that’s a bad sign that he’s going to want you to fill in the many blanks in his social life. Not pretty.

These are the top signs of a needy boyfriend that I noted and ignored. Now I’m nursing a heartbreak and wishing I’d kept more distance.

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8 thoughts on “7 Signs of a Needy Boyfriend

  1. You are right, those are definitely red flags! I’m sorry you’re going through this. Getting back into dating after a divorce is so hard. It is normal to want to have someone interested in you and to show you attention. It is normal to want to have the fun and excitement of a new relationship. But, hopefully next time when you start to see the red flags you’ll act quickly to save yourself the heartache. Remember, being alone is better than being in a bad relationship.

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  4. I’m a year and a half in and cannot take it anymore…he’s broke, has no license, insist on driving my car, has no ambition, uses drugs oh an he’s “a grown ass man” when I want to discuss these issues. He’s 45 going on 15!

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  6. Maybe I should do the 7 Signs He is Living with Someone or Married post after my first time back in the dating market: (1) He doesn’t ask to sleepover. Ever. (2) Overtexting immediately after meeting him, but NEVER overcalling. Ever. (3) He asks you to go away with him on the 7th date — easier to hide the relationship that way. (4) He ignores the 6 month rule for your kids but not for his kids. (5) He tells you his sexual secrets before the first date. (6) He doesn’t listen to your needs. (7) He has no friends.

    Huh? Interesting. There’s a lot of similarities there with dating inappropriate men.

    • Very interesting!
      I learned a lot from writing that post, but clearly not enough because I went back to him. Just the other day I was lamenting the fact that I ignored my instincts about this guy and why didn’t I trust myself? My therapist looked at me and very coolly and calmly said: “You won’t do that again.”
      I believe her.
      The next guy who isn’t begging to wake up next to you, or isn’t dying to introduce you to his friends? I bet you won’t put up with that again.
      We say in the rooms that even if we make the same mistakes we will probably bounce back quicker each time. I’ve learned to recognize patterns more easily and correct myself before it gets even worse. I bet you have too.

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