I have a boyfriend and I don’t know what to do with him.
Mr. Outdoorsy Tech is great. He’s fun, cool, cute. He showed up the other night with a bottle of wine and a DVD after my kids went to bed, and didn’t blink an eye when little bro woke up in the middle of the night.
He’s adventurous and funny. He has a good job and owns a home.
He is a parent too.
But here’s the thing… I’ve been alone for over a year now. I like it. I spread out in my bed and enjoy my quiet time.
The good news is I’m comfortable on my own. I’m not miserable anymore. I’m not stalking my almost-ex-husband (divorce takes a long time!) and I’m not drinking with friends every night to avoid the stillness in my home. I have a program and a support system. I have hobbies I enjoy and I don’t feel lonely.
Which could be why, after only a few months of online dating, I met a quality guy. Or one I’d like to get to know better, anyway.
And instead of worrying about whether he’s in debt, or a secret pedophile, or perhaps harboring a gambling addiction, I’m just enjoying him. We’ve both gone out and stayed in and I’m having fun, letting him show me who he is by being laid back, instead of controlling every situation (my prior MO) or freaking out if he doesn’t call.
So what do I do with this boyfriend?
He slept over for the first time the other night. I hadn’t shared my bed with anyone in nearly a year. He wrapped his arms around me and dozed off. I laid there, uncomfortable but cozy, comforted yet unable to sleep, all at the same time. Then he started snoring. Yikes. I like the boyfriend experience–dinners out, cuddling, sex (thank God!)–but snoring? Really? I mean, isn’t getting rid of the snoring man one of the benefits of divorce?
Yeesh. I’m going to take a deep breath and muddle through this, one day at a time. I’m focusing on what I appreciate about him instead of what I don’t but… is it too early to ask him to roll over? Or wear a breathe right strip?
I have a boyfriend.
Broken American Dream Diaries 
(Most) Men snore, as a matter of fact
It’s scary to have a new relationship when you’re getting used to being single. I guess you just have to be open-minded. Keep your eyes open and see if he is worth it 🙂
I’m totally keeping my eyes open. Thanks for your advice!
Hey writerlyone….you had me laughing soooo much about the snoring thing. I don’t think I could ever, ever go back to living with snoring. I think you should enjoy what’s happening…just keep those boundaries and don’t move too fast.
You are so right. Boundaries aren’t exactly my thing but I’m working on them. Hope you’re having a great night!
Just when I was thinking I might be ready to get one! Life is so much simpler without. But then there’s no companionship. Or sex. What is a girl to do? Maybe I’ll just read about your adventure and cuddle with the cats.
Isn’t it great when you like your life so much?
It is amazing. But my cat meows all night so she’s not perfect either. Keep enjoying your cats and maybe someday you’ll be ready.
Congrats! Take it slow and enjoy dating. After my divorce I thought the first guy I dated was going to be “the one”. Not so…took about 5 different short-term boyfriends before I met “the one”. You have to really get to know yourself because we change a lot after going through divorce in genereal—not to mention divorcing an addict. You will still be figuring some things out for a while…but enjoy this guy in this moment!
Thanks! I certainly am. 🙂
you’re blogs have helped me so much! Thank you and please keep posting! I decided I was ready and have been talking to someone for a couple weeks, went for a coffee date last weekend and going on a real date Friday:) You give me inspiration and you gave me hope for a happier future!
I have been married to an alcoholic for 15 years. He has recently started drinking again after he relocated to another state for work and the kids and I are trying to sell the house to move there too. He will never admit to drinking, lying is just part do breathing to an alcoholic. I have become an expert spy so I know what is going on. I love him and want him to stop. He has spent many more years sober than drinking but the lying is what has pushed me to the edge. I don’t want a divorce but I think I am fooling myself by not going down that road. Your blog has been a huge blessing. I am going to find an alanon meeting. Husband will not handle all this well and I am scared but I need to jump into the unknown and hope I come out swimming.
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