Red Flags, Players, and Online Dating

An example of one of True's online ads.

An example of one of True’s online ads. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

So I had a third date with Mr. Wonderfully Geeky, whom I met online at OkCupid, on Saturday.

He planned a great night… Dinner, walk, movie. I invited him in for tea. I was psyched. I’m not looking for a serious commitment but hanging out with a dude on a regular basis (and having regular sex!) is looking pretty good right about now.

My rules for getting naked are pretty simple:

1. We must be exclusive.

2. He should call the next day.

3. And not have gonorrhea.

So we’re kissing on date #3, having a nice time, but then it got kind of weird.

Suddenly he stopped and said, “I want to do more than kiss.”

Um, what? I could kind of… tell. If you know what I mean. And while I appreciated his asking for consent, I was thrown.

I looked at him.

“What do you mean by that exactly?” I inquired. This was turning un-sexy.

“Whatever you feel comfortable with,” he replied. Well, then I started to feel a little panicky. I mean, this guy can go a whole week without contacting me in any way, yet here he is, basically asking for third date sex. There is no way I’m taking him upstairs and taking my clothes off. I just don’t know him well enough.

Those of you who have read me before know that I’m certainly no prude, but this just didn’t feel right.

So I said we could make out a little, but I wasn’t looking for just a hook up.

Me neither! He insisted.

So we made out. And it was hot. I stopped it as my skirt rode up my thighs, because the next guy I fuck?

I want to know he will call me the next day.

Not because I’m clingy or super needy or even have time to see a boyfriend more than 1-2 times a week, but because that is respectful and decent and, actually, I really like sex and would like a regular partner. To call me again. To have sex again.

So he said goodnight and left.

And I haven’t heard from him since.

See? Player.

I don’t have super high expectations–I probably should!–but I think the day after you dry hump someone and touch their breasts you should at least shoot them a text, if not call. At least, if you care to see them again, you should.

I felt a little indignant–how could he not already be thinking of seeing me again?–but then I picked myself up, deleted his texts, blocked him from being seen on my OkCupid screen, and moved on with my life.

I joined a new dating site, PlentyofFish, and am going to a new singles mixer in a few days.

My friend reminded me that I don’t want anything serious right now and that it’s a good thing I listened to my instincts.

Being married to an addict for seven years, I got really good at denying my instincts. I brushed over red flags.

I won’t do that anymore.

I’m also appreciating what good did happen: I had my first real date in a decade, I got a few hot make out sessions in, and we did some fun things together. I also learned more about my own dating wants, needs, and boundaries.

Hopefully someone will want to have sex (I mean, dates) with me on a regular basis soon-ish.

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7 thoughts on “Red Flags, Players, and Online Dating

  1. I stopped using okc a few weeks ago after one too many awkward dates lol. My coworker showed me cliqie.com and I’m a big fan of that over the others in terms of actually meeting people vs. just entertainment. It has a different approach that feels less sketchy cause you and your friends essentially act as “wingmen”. I like that it helps you find things to do too. Skout’s okay too, but still has it’s fair share of creepers

  2. Pingback: Onwards and Upwards: Playing the Numbers in Online Dating | Broken American Dream Diaries

  3. Pingback: Online Dating: Flaky and Flakier | Broken American Dream Diaries

  4. Pingback: 7 Signs of a Needy Boyfriend | Broken American Dream Diaries

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