DivorceMoon

Rocky Mountains

I’m taking myself on a romantic getaway next week.

Recently I started to feel resentful. Everything I do is for the kids. My soon to be ex husband blames me for everything, and is unpleasant to be around. I’m divorcing him but haven’t figured out how to tell him, because I’m afraid of his anger/blaming game and I’m sad that it’s really over. Work starts up again soon, after 9 weeks off, and the idea of running the boys to daycare again in the morning (hurry up! use the potty! no you can’t wait to brush your teeth! yes you have to wear shoes! etc.) makes me want to crawl into bed and never come out. And of course it’s wedding anniversary season: this friend is taking an anniversary trip with her husband this weekend, another friend is foisting her children onto her parents so she and her husband can sleep in. Together.

The last time I had a romantic weekend away was many years ago. Who’s going to take care of me but me? No one.

So I booked the tickets. I selected a “fireplace suite.” I giggled as I entered my credit card number. The room will be nicer than the one we stayed in for our honeymoon.

But I deserve it.

I’m so excited! I’m headed to a brand new city, one I’ve never been to. No one will know me or my ex. The city will bear no memories, and no responsibilities. Just me, a king bed, a segway tour, and the mountains.

I cannot wait for my DivorceMoon!

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15 thoughts on “DivorceMoon

  1. Yes, you DO deserve to have a time for just yourself…to romance yourself and the new person you are becoming. I want to expound to something you said in your post.

    “Who is going to take care of me but me?” You don’t NEED anyone to take care of you but you. You are the only one who can.

    Many of us get married, especially when we are young, so that we will have someone to take care of us and to meet our needs. We no longer desire our parents to take care of us, but we know that someone needs to because we are not secure in our own ability to provide for our emotional and physical needs.

    I know that is not the reason why we believe we are getting married. We BELIEVE we are getting married because we are in so in love and we think that that love will conquer all of our life challenges. However, people can be so in love and still not marry each other. The base reason, psychologically speaking, that many young people (in their 20s) get married is for security…so that we will have someone who loves us take care of us for the rest of our lives.

    The reason why so many people who get married in their 20’s eventually get divorced (for a variety of stated reasons), is because as they grow into their 30’s and 40’s, either they developed confidence in caring for themselves and feel that they have “outgrown” their partner or they resent that the spouse hasn’t met their needs as they had planned/anticipated, and look elsewhere.

    So, I want to confirm that you are absolutely doing the right thing for yourself psychologically, emotionally, and spiritually. Learning to meet your own needs, to be enough for yourself, is the most valuable thing you can do for yourself and for your future. It is the most important thing you are doing for your children…teaching them that each one of us must learn to care for ourselves. But doing this, you are breaking the curse of divorce for yourself and for your children. You are setting the foundation for all truly healthy relationships.

      • Wow….can I relate!!!! I just took myself on a DivorceMoon too. Sometimes I was sad and cried at various times…..but most of the time I was okay. It was really great not having to argue about where to eat and what to do. I finally got to pick all the restaurants I wanted to got to. I ordered EVERYTHING I wanted…expensive appetizers, fancy deserts…..didn’t have to “negotiate” like I always had to. Also, there was a problem with my plane and it was canceled. He would have freaked out and probably acted like a jerk….so nice not having to deal with him.

  2. This post helped pull me out of a spiral of self-pity and resentment today. So tired today after another week of mostly solo parenting (husband living in ‘recovery housing’ for coming on 2 months now), and carrying around the weight of my growing realization that I do not want him to come back here. Today’s agenda was sadness, anger, guilt, more anger, self-pity, anger, rinse and repeat. Then it hit me, mid-tears: I ache about the past and worry about the future, feeling robbed and angry. But this IS my life. Right now. Today can be good and free and fun. I can grab my kids, walk out the door and buy new pillows for my bed. Nice big fluffy brand new pillows. And that makes me happy. I can make me happy. Thanks Writerlyone for helping remind me.

  3. You know what else is great about living without my spouse (separated, not divorced)? I actually hired people to fix all the things in my house that have been bothering me for years…..things he always thought he could repair (but always made worse)…..or would never spend the money on, because he thinks everyone is “out to get him.” So, I will actually have new towel racks that stay up, no more leaky faucets, and lights that actually turn on!

  4. Pingback: Post-Breakup Hookup: Fuck the Pain Away | Broken American Dream Diaries

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