Today I wrote a letter to my husband, ending my marriage.
The call is in to my lawyer. Once she returns from vacation, I’m going to begin the divorce process.
I’m going to file for dissolution of my marriage.
It is so painful.
Today I know that what I am feeling is grief.
Grief for the young woman I was when I married.
Grief for the happy couple, smiling in a tux and gown, on their wedding day, frozen in time, blissfully unaware of the challenges that lay before them.
Grief for the loss of a dream of a happy marriage, intact family, nuclear goodness.
Grief for my sense of self as a wife, as the other half of a contented marriage.
Grief as I transition from married mother to single mother.
Grief for what could have been, but never will be.
Alcoholism and addiction has won. I cannot fight it anymore.
I never could.