The Space of Silence (or What do Do When Dad Takes the Kids)

I’ve picked up the blocks. Check.

Cleaned the high chairs. Check.

I have two whole hours to myself, I should really work. Nah, I work too much.

Call a friend. Run through mental list of friends.

All married, with husbands. Was already told by one “tonight is date night.”

Well, what if you have no date?

I should call my single friends.

Oh wait, I have no single friends. My life has been carefully constructed to fit the needs I had four months ago. Family neighborhood, church full of families, good house in the suburbs. Friends like me with interests and times to get together like me. How did I not notice my world had become so small?

So insular? So dependent on my roles as mom and wife that now that I exist in this grey area I have no one to call.

Don’t get me wrong. My friends are wonderful. But I don’t want to bug them, I know they’re busy, I don’t want to seem whiny.

So here I sit. In the silence that is my life. It’s either too crowded–one kid hanging on each leg, no dad in sight–or too quiet as dad whisks kids away for dinner with grandma.

I’m like Goldilocks. I think I’ll leave this house and disappear into the woods. None of these chairs fit anymore.


3 thoughts on “The Space of Silence (or What do Do When Dad Takes the Kids)

    • Yes, writing definitely helps! Thanks for sharing your thoughts. I think motherhood’s isolation is a huge contributor to depression… or is that just because I already tend toward depression?

      • No, you are right. I have written before that we hear so often about postpartum depression, but don’t hear enough about the long-term mindfuck that is motherhood. Sorry for the…um…phrasing. I can’t think of an unoffensive way to make that point.

        You are not alone, though. Say that to yourself. Out loud if you can. And, again, it won’t always be this way.

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